Keeping track...

7:25
Been up for an hour. Went to bed at 10pm. 7.5 hours sleep & I'm exhausted as usual!
Saw my occupational therapist yesterday - we did more testing and she spoke with head office HR at the company for whom I work - they will not let me rehab prior to returning me to work! We've made up a 6-8 week immediate need plan with rehab/physio to be ongoing after that + work. This is total bullshit! She & I have a solid plan to rehab me to a point where I can manage the fatigue better and get physically stronger with physio to allow me to work and then do the continuing rehab/physio after the 6-8 weeks.
I am operating at a 74/84 on the fatigue scale (84 means the worst fatigue), They expect me to work 4 hours a day and do my rehab and do my physio and take care of myself. Fuck, I am freaking out! I barely have the energy right now to take care of myself. How the hell do they expect me to get better if they won't allow for proper rehab which was RECOMMENDED by the "independent" neurologist and supported by the Optimus program at the ms clinic.
The stress of all of this is hurting me, but there are only so many fucking mantras I can do to relax! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER PEOPLE AND STOP HURTING ME AND START HELPING ME GET BETTER!
I am so frightened of losing everything, my job, my health, my dad (he's stressing out & that's not good for his heart condition) UNIVERSE - IF YOU ARE LISTENING, I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!