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Thursday, 20 May 2010

Keeping track...

7 p.m.
wow... just woke up
A summary of my day
woke up at 6:30 as I said in my prior blog
At 10 a.m., Aids for Daily Living came to my condo to assess my bathroom for safety handrails and a bath chair. the lady put masking tape on my walls where the 24" rail & the 18"rail need to go for my safety due to balance & dizzyness issues due to MS (oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick... hmm). she assessed me entering the tub, how I normally get in/out for both showers & baths & also recommended that I get a bath chair which telescopes up/down to make it easier for me (but oh wait, "THE DISABILITY CO" says I'm not sick...)
We filled out the paperwork and determined that I qualify for assistance & will only have to pay about $80 for the installation which should be next week.
This took about 20 minutes.
I had to leave to meet with my boss once I finished this. Note that I did have a shower this morning, air dried my hair due to my arms being very shaky & I was unable to blow dry my hair or put on makeup due to weakness in both arms. I have had tremors in my arms all day too. This is a new symptom over the last week - is it stress related perhaps? Just what I need - physical symptoms on top of the fatigue & resulting brain fog... but oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick...
Caught the bus & got off at Suncor (across from the Lougheed building on 6th & 1st street sw. Walked south on 1st street to The Bay. stopped in at the Bay to purchase some "sockets" to wear. Put those on & walked from the Bay on 8th Ave 1st st SW to my office on 11 Ave & 3rd Street ,
Took the elevator to reception on the 3rd floor because I needed to go to the bathroom & had forgotton the code... spoke to Linda for a minute & proceeded to use the elevator to go to the 4 th floor because I was too weak to walk up the stairs.
Chatted with my boss, she noticed that I was not myself! But oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick... we chatted and she advised the accommodations which would be taken to help me in my return to work. A few of my colleagues stopped me to say hi & that they were glad to see me - once speaking to me for a few moments, they all commented at the fact that they thought I was crazy to come back to work noticing the struggle I was having with walking, thinking, expressing myself - but oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick.
My boss indicated that they expected me to come back to work next week for 4 hours on Wednesday. As I was leaving the office at approx 12:15, I received a phone call from my Occupational Therapist - she advised that my companie's HR person at head office had arranged with her to have a conference call with SunLife, herself & my OT & I'm not positive on this, but I believe my MS Clinic neurologist will be in attendance too. She advised that the HO HR rep had said that I don't have to go back until May 31 - but they had not yet advised our Calgary office as my leader had not heard about this. I went over to my leader's office but she was not there - so left her a voicemail to advise that I would NOT be in next week and pending an alternate decision from the powwow meeting, would be back Monday May 31/2010. It's funny, but my leader and another team leader with whom I heard the phrase I've heard for years - "we'd rather have you here 4 hours a day than most people for 8" but they all saw that I am OBVIOUSLY not myself & OBVIOUSLY sick - how do I answer this politically correctly as THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick - great, more stress - I'm not a bad-mouther - but this is a tough one to get around.... maybe they can give me some skills to deal with this too!
At this time I went to the food court at Gulf Canada & had a Wendy's burger meat only on top of a garden salad & a baked potato for lunch with my friend. shortly thereafter, I walked through the mall (god it was disorienting in the crowds of people because I was pretty dizzy & unbalanced - but oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick...) Stopped at the bookstore & Shopper's Drug as I had to catch a bit later train to go to my chiropractor - thank God my dad is picking me up & driving me home - I felt like Hell.
Got to my chiro & updated him on my situation - he wondered how "they" cannot see that I'm obviously not ready to go back.. LOL
Dad took me to CNF to pick up some gluten free bread & Kale... he was holding my arm due to the tippy uncoordinated way I was walking - but oh wait, THE DISABILITY CO says I'm not sick
Dad drove me home, I made some gluten free cinnamon raison toast - yum - and looked at the time just after 3 p.m. - so I've been out & about from 10:30 - 3:00 pm - 4.5 hours - they expect me to be able to work 4 hours /day + travel time
I was so super exhausted I could hardly move - went to bed and JUST WOKE UP AT 7 PM... I'm now too tired to cook dinner, so it'll be frozen veggie soup out of the freezer (crap - I only have 2 bowls left - that means I have to find the energy to make more this weekend) - I have no idea how I'm going to do this without first finishing "emergency" rehab/physio for 6-8 weeks to learn skills & get stronger prior to going back to work as my OT wants (and NOTE this was recommended by THE DISABILITY CO's independent neurologist too) - It takes MONTHS to get into Optimus & because my case was so urgent - they fast-tracked me & we have just done 4 hours of testing to this point - Hopefully the powwow next week actually results in my being able to learn some more fatigue management skills & get some physio for my physical issues before I have to go back without these skills.
I do NOT want this to make me sicker - yet I'm OBVIOUSLY already much worse. I will NOT let the bastards get me down! I want to return to work, I want to return to work as healthy as I can be, I will have to play the game if the powwow does not result in common sense however am so afraid of what it will do to me...
I've got to go - my arms are so heavy, I'm having trouble typing - I'm going to warm up some soup, maybe have another yummy slice of cinnamon toast & go to bed because even after my 3.5 hour nap, I'm EXHAUSTED.

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